Friday, 18 April 2014
How dare silly little teenage boys who don't know how to treat a woman think they have the right to enjoy the best part of me without loving the worst?
Maybe I don't blame them, I have friends for that, I have so many people who love me despite my flaws.
I'm lucky. I am too lucky.
Maybe I already have more love than I deserve.
Maybe they have every right not to care as much as I want them to.
That can't be true though, I need something more one day.
Maybe I don't know what I need.
Have some fun, stop feeling so much.
No, I was born to feel. I need to be more assertive than this. Show them you aren't interested.
You aren't. Are you? You can't let anyone know you care, or that you feel a thing.
Better yet, stop feeling, don't be so naive.
But then again,
He loved me and I pushed him away, I didn't love him back.
Why didn't I love him back? He would have killed for me. What is wrong me with me?
I say I want something but then when it wants me, I shy away.
'You aren't worth my time,' I think to myself stubbornly.
I am so much better than this, this is cheap, easy, emotionally void.
So why do I keep giving this the time of day and free reign in my brain?
The expiration date is sooner than what it's worth.
Everything about me is built on a solid foundation.
"I have strong values," I think to myself.
Maybe I'm too proud.