Wednesday, 17 December 2014
I don't know where to start.
So at the moment, I'm pretty tired, my skin is breaking out, Christmas is in 7 Days, 6 of which I have work and the other I am moving house. It's late, I have work in the morning and I can't sleep because I have an immense amount of negative self talk going on. I haven't really been blogging lately but I figure this is more productive than lying in bed, not sleeping and thinking this all over and over.
I wanted to share that with you guys for a few reasons. Firstly because I know that this is all happening in my head. So when written, the whole thing seems non-existent.
Secondly, I feel like when I share something as vulnerable and honest as this in this space, I am met with sincere and unwavering friendship. Despite myself, that is what I feel I need most at the moment.
My self talk is stabbing me where I am vulnerable. It's something like your friends don't like you, you don't belong, no one takes you seriously, you're just annoying them and you are a burden. They won't like you unless you do that/be that/accomplish this. You have nothing to offer them anymore. My mind is picking out little instances and social interaction that have thousands of catalysts and building a case against my perspective on myself and the way I think I come across to others.
I am a sometimes hopelessly social creature and at just sometimes I would really rather not. Not have to worry about other people's feelings and thoughts, not have to know who likes and dislikes who, and what is the right thing to say. Most of all, sometimes I just wish I didn't need other people's approval. I wish that another person making me feel uncomfortable made me dislike them rather than myself.
There is an incredible amount of pressure to present ourselves in a certain way. I'm just now finding I don't have any interest in being something I'm not to fulfil other people's ideas of success or relevance. Yet this is always at the back of my mind. Even just now writing this I was thinking about people I know, people who are more mature and eloquent, people who wouldn't approve of this kind of outpour of emotions publicly, people I'm related to, and how they would all read this and think differently of me.
It just makes my head want to explode.
But you know what, people that make you feel like a burden, or like you are annoying them, are not your friend, not your ally, not your comrade. You should not have to feel uncomfortable at their feet, no matter how much you like them, or how many memories you have with them, or how successful they are. It's rubbish but you have to let them go.
I guess what I'm really trying to tell myself is that I'll never be able to make other people be kind to me, but I can always be kind to myself. I am not a burden unless I allow myself to be one.
Sunday, 14 December 2014
(L to R)
1/ Election Day at the Port Melbourne Bowls club with Sarah and Abby. I'm so grateful to have strong women in my life like these two to share these memories with :)
2/ Glenn and I taking creeper photos of our amazing organiser Sam and Zocco on Election night. I love these two a lot as well!
3/ Bashford asking me to dance at Georgia's 21st because he's the cutest.
4/ Umm, I am vegetarian soup and Glenn was putting his cup on my head. We were at the NLS dinner before National Conference.
5/ Lots of comrades from all around Australia at our pre natcon dinner. Thai food and students unionists, what more does a girl need? Sorry for those I cropped out to make it a square haha, photo is Jasmine's :)
6/ I got the keys to our new house and the move started! This is the view from my room!
7/ My longest day at work and I came out to a flat tyre, so I had an hour waiting for RACV to get aquatinted with the Staff Car Park, because my Thursday nights are exciting.
8/ Rianna and Viv came to visit the new house, we had pizza and listened to Taylor Swift, decorated and general had a lovely catch up. My best friends are the best.
9/ I don't have furniture in my new room until like Wednesday/Friday but I can put up photos right?
10/ I went to IKEA and like 4000 other furniture shops at Springvale, it's really big and I am overwhelmed by furniture but I've finally made some choices... I think.
11/ Glenn, Amelia and I out for Amelia and her twin sister Gemma's 20th on Saturday :)
12/ Me at work, I enjoy stealing santa's seat when he goes on break. You're actually just jealous of my elf shirt.
Hey Bloggers :)
This is a bit short and sweet but I felt like doing a post like this quickly before I go to bed. I'm too busy at the moment and lets be really honest, I have incredibly questionable time management skills. I just wanted to say, thank you all for sticking with me and after Christmas I will be done with working for at least a few weeks, done moving and will be able to have a huge catch up on all your happenings. I am seriously looking forward to it. It's like my Christmas present haha.
Love Meg x
Monday, 1 December 2014
1/ Shall we start with the most obvious? I picked up this baby Canon 24mm f/2.8 to keep me inspired while I'm saving for some more serious equipment. I'm excited to work with something new and see the world through a new lens. It's insanely flat, my Dad asked me if their was actually a lens on my camera haha.
2/ Tonight I photographed a friend's 21st Birthday. I can't say how much it means to me to have friends, family and comrades who are supporting me in this journey. It's not something I sort of go on and on about on here but I am strong in my beliefs, my politics and my care for others, and tonight was a lovely time to reflect on the with likeminded people and to celebrate someone we love. I'm excited to edit the photos from tonight :)
3/ This sort of relates to the latter, sorry for a bit of a politics ramble here! If you are not Victorian, or Australian, you may not have seen that this past Saturday we had a State Election in which the party that I am proud to be a member of, The ALP, was elected. It was probably one of the longest, best and most emotional days of my life. I can't express what it means to me to have been involved in the campaign of a progressive MP like Martin Foley. What has happened in Victoria this year has made history, we have kicked out a first term government and done so by building a community movement. The other parties outspend us 10 to 1, so we beat them with organising, and real people. And I'm really proud of that. What I took away from this weekend is that people matter. Our votes matter. This isn't an invitation to have a political debate or anything because I know some who could argue politics online until they're blue in the face, I don't really care for that. It's just that this was such a huge thing for me, and for the community I love so I had to share :)
Saturday, 22 November 2014
I thought it would be sort of cute to fill you in on stuff through showing you the photos off my phone that might be on instagram or Facebook but I don't really share on here and tell you about them a bit. They aren't in any particular order!
(L to R)
1/ Steph and I at Halloween at James'. She is Frida Kahlo and also a babe.
2/ Thai July Girls reunion. We went out for Italian and it was the first time I had seen Lis since she left for the airport in Thailand which is completely unacceptable haha. It was so great to catch up. The waiter was hot, the goss was good.
3/ My beautiful friend Sam as the Field Organiser for Martin Foley, had a bit of celebration for volunteers. Jill Hennessy was lovely enough to speak. I am in awe of the community campaign that Sam has built in Albert Park. This night was just a testament to her hard work in engaging all people from all walks of life in bringing about change and supporting progressive and inclusive MPs. I'm a little too proud.
4/ My Cousin Harry died a year ago on the 10th would have turned 18 on the 20th of November. I didn't really know what to do or feel or say so I dug up some old photo albums. We were cool kids back in the day :)
5/ I've been packing, aka. throwing out everything I never use. I found this necklace that my Grandma gave me in a jewellery box and it made me smile in a pretty sad ten days.
6/ The State Election is in less than a week now, so last week the Monash ALP club was out in force to letterbox for Gavin Ryan, who is running for Burwood and is a former MSA President. So we don't mind him, you know :P
7/ Your best friends are the ones who don't expect you to change out of your pyjamas for them to come over. Louise and I ate Maxibons and it was a top weeknight.
8/ I photographed AXP and before hand we took selfies at Viv's and she taught me how to make rice paper rolls. I love Viv's house, her Mum just feeds us all the food. It's amazing.
9/ After AXP I was on my Green P's as of midnight so I drove everyone home. It was our last night with Tess before she left for Europe (She will be landing in Barcelona anytime now!) and we all got a bit of separation anxiety.
10/ The next night, another After Exams Party, I wasn't working this night so I may have had a few glasses of Pink, and only tight lined one eye, which I realised after this selfie with Rianna at the train station haha.
11/ We did the dance thing with the lights and the people and the sweat. It was fun and gross. I think we are getting a little old for it now. We're not in first year anymore Toto!
12/ We stayed up late in Rianna's room, the guys brought maccas over and then I got home just in time to see the sun.