Monday, 30 March 2015

Vanity

I recently met a wildlife photographer. After I told her about wanting to shoot weddings, she told me that she photographed animals because their vanity didn't get in the way. They never wanted to see the photo or worried about their imperfections being amplified through a lens. There isn't as much pressure I guess, you are the master of your own photograph.

I've been thinking about this a little bit lately. My life at the moment is 90% editing, mostly because I am hopeless and will edit the same photograph ten times until I like it or give up and go back to the first edit. 

I often take photos of people and they will ask to see it, then when they do they will say something along the lines of 'ew' or 'I look terrible!' 
I try not to take this personally as a criticism of my photography and rather an expression of insecurity but sometimes it can be a huge buzzkill when you are really happy with how the shot turned out and the person in it doesn't like it. 
A few times though, I've had people say that and then make that photo their display photo or put it on social media and I am left wondering, why did they say they didn't like their appearance when they clearly like the photo? 
It's times like this I kind of wish that people were like animals and their beauty was quiet and accepting because really, people are just as beautiful as nature, they just don't think they are. I wish people understood that art is beautiful even when it isn't, that reality is more powerful than vanity sometimes.

What are your thoughts? I know I'm really picky about photos of myself but I'm not super sure why?

Sunday, 22 March 2015

Self Portraits


I think I'm very much growing up in a world that is egocentric and obsessive about documentation. Which hey, that's great for me because that's what I want to do, what I love. I document. 
It's perhaps always been like this but is now amplified by social media. I don't think that's bad, I think sharing and capturing is great but often I am behind the camera capturing moments for others and I become invisible in my own story as a photographer. 

I was recently inspired by fellow bloggers to take photos of myself. It's an important act of self love for photographers I feel. You should read Carolyn's lovely thoughts about it here, they are far more succinct than my own and see some of my inspiration here.

Also, I got a hair cut. :)

Sunday, 15 March 2015

Insecurity

Alright, I feel like I'm finally in the right frame of mind to talk about this. And it's well overdue.

I have to say, I've been feeling a bit scared... well, more reluctant to talk truths on here with you all. Recently my life has been changing a fair bit, the year has well and truly started and people are following their own plans which means, so am I. And so with things changing I feel like a lot is, although exciting, somewhat impermanent. I don't want to overshare something that might not be as significant as I might deem it to be in the future. I'm also super conscious that my presence online is closely intertwined with my career as a photographer. None the less I am human and lately something I've been computing in this little brain of mine is my own worth and the security or lack thereof I have in it. Who knows, some of you might relate.

I've basically been single since I finished school. I had two years of what was at first getting over what was a pretty long relationship to have under my belt at 18 and then becoming really happy, independent and in many ways confident in being single. After all, I had a fair few other things that I was prioritising, like photography.

Safe to say, I didn't need someone else to tell me how much worth I had as a human being. I was comfortable in myself.

So many of you might have gathered that a little while ago I started dating a pretty cute human being. His name is Glenn. I am really happy with his existence to be honest haha. I don't really know what else I'm going to share because now I can't talk about boys like this abstract thing that you can all relate to without the implication that it's about him. But I will see what I feel comfortable with sharing as I go because it's a pretty happy and significant part of my life right now.

To absolutely no fault of his own, having a guy that I actually care about who also cares for me has caused me to have a bit of a crisis of confidence. All of a sudden it occurred to me that I didn't know why he likes me. As if now I had someone else's opinion to include in calculating my worth. And as much as we can go through and tick off all the good things about myself according to the male of the species, it's a different thing to really be confident in how someone else thinks of you.

Suddenly other women became like competition and this is something I've never really felt before. I understand it, sure but I've never been particularly concerned with other people when it comes to my own security like I know a lot of my friends have struggled with over the years.

If I was all these admirable things, and that was why I was worthy of being cared for, then surely all these women I know are too, and they are all these other great things! Things that I'm not and can't compete with? And to top off my neurosis, I then had the worry that if I shared this crisis I would come across as insecure which made me even less attractive.
I know, I know. It's ridiculous.

I was honestly surprised at how crazy this drove me momentarily, it was like actually caring about someone had made me incapable of thinking about things calmly like I usually would. What ever happened to loving my sisters? I was ready to tear them down just to make myself feel like I deserved what I have. Which is honestly a pretty awful rabbit hole to fall down.

It was like everything I know and feel about other women and feminism, or how we are told to think about ourselves by a male dominated society, evaporated into a cloud of insecurity and was replaced by this foreign way of thinking that I didn't like one bit. Was I smart enough? Was I pretty enough? Are my life goals impressive enough? When really my self worth will never be comparitive as I am loved for being a unique combination of all that I am and I should never feel like it hinges on the opinion of any one person or man, because it doesn't.

So what I have gained from this, and something I am trying to live my life by is that another person's beauty is not the absence of my own. Please read that again. It's true.

Meg x

Thursday, 12 March 2015

On The Road #SMGOT

So after we left Steph's Grandma Kingaroy we drove down the coast of Australia, eventually reaching Sydney which is the furthest South we came but we had some fun along the way!
Rules of Travel with Meg and Steph:
1/ It will rain. Everyday. Because this was supposed to be our summer holiday. But it'll be pretty spectacular.
2/ You'll get sunburnt anyway because Straya.
3/ When I'm the one who is less scared of spiders, you've got a little bit of a problem.
4/ Maccas and Mortien. And more Mortien.
5/ Queenslanders always think it's cold.
6/ You have to like 90's music. 
After we checked into a motel room we went to Byron Bay for dinner and sat on the beach and we decided to take slow shutter speed photos which was fun. I feel like this trip was, for both of us, a chance to reconnect with creativity that is personal and fun. We've always seen eye to eye about what it means to be a creative and I find great comfort in Steph's understanding of the need to just have fun with it when you also want to do it for a living.
We arrived in Beechwood, inland of Port MacQaurie alive, with two oversize foodstuff landmarks under our belts and unaware of the huntsmen who were waiting to become friends with us, like the one that lives above my Aunt's kitchen window which she lets live because it eats cockroaches. 

Yep, that's subtropical Australia.

On the way down we only stayed in Beechwood with my Aunt one night, as we stayed a few on the way back, but that night we went and played cards and had Thai food food with friends. Which was so lovely.

We came home, trudging across the wet grass in thongs in the dark to settle down for the night in the cabin only to discover a Huntsman above the door. It's normal for the church, the original building is 100 years old, so its gonna have spiders. But the cabin, the cabin is my safe space, the worst I've ever had in the cabin is a daddy long legs. 

After much discussion and staring at this stationary spider (that was as big as my hand) we decided we didn't have the equipment to get rid of it as the cup we had wasn't BIG ENOUGH. 
So we went to bed, with the light on, and although I went to sleep with the blanket pulled up around my ears, I feel as though Steph watched this Spider for ages only for us to wake up in the middle of the night and discover it was gone, never to be seen again. 

The next day we set off early for the trip to Sydney having survived our night, stopping for petrol a few hours in. As I'm filling up the car ANOTHER huntsman climbs out of a crack and across the drivers side of the car. After frantically telling Steph to shut her door and watching the absolute terror on her face as it climbs across her window, it hid in the crack between the drivers side door. 
Long story short, we ended up pushing it inside the door through a tiny hole in the panelling while we were just trying to brush it of the car, (all while people are looking at us weird) so we bought a can of insect killing chemicals and sprayed it in the hole until we were satisfied that this spider was very unlikely still alive. 

I feel like this spider story is a metaphor and can be analysed to find larger lessons I learnt about problem solving and life on this trip, take from it what you will.

In the infinite wisdom of The Corrs, "cause we are so young now, we are so young, so young now. And when tomorrow comes we can do it all again,"
Meg :)

Monday, 9 March 2015

Camera Roll #4

Hey Guys!
Things have been kind of crazy and I feel like I've really lost my voice in this space recently because my head is creatively a little bit all over the place. Which is alright cause it's all part of growing as a creative. I'm going to dedicate this week to a few things...
1. Getting rid of this gross as cough (this means sleeping and not drinking any alcohol eep)
2. Editing all the photos I need to.
3. Getting ready for my first wedding.
4. Writing the things I want to write, and finding the voice I feel I find glimpses of every now and then when inspiration hits. 

In the meantime I want to flex my fingers and write a bit about each of these photos :)
1/ My Sister, Dad and Brother at our house on a quiet weekend looking at the owl that lives in next doors tree.
2/ Dumplings and Nicholas Sparks movies with my main girls Ri and Viv. It was all great things and absolutely the best. The end.
3/ Ben and I became hipsters with kale and other such things. We had snacks in a warehouse coffee place type thing and it was cool. 
4/ I spent a large chunk of time with Louise dog sitting her sister's pup, watching Law and Order SVU and eating dominos. Firstly, dominos is ridiculously cheap and I didn't even know that, I'm surprised I haven't overdosed on pizza since this discovery. Secondly, puppies. Thirdly, the best part of watching SVU episodes that you saw ages ago with one of your bestfriends in seeing who remembers what happens in the episode first haha. 
5/ Steph arrived at my house and we waited too long before going swimming, the sun went away and we froze. It was fun though! 
6/ When we got to the awesome apartment in QLD I couldn't resist taking photos with remote shutter in front of the view. I'm a dork. 
7/ This night we drove all around the Gold Coast talking and looking for somewhere to eat, only to end up having maccas and for me to break down laughing in the carpark over something that wasn't that funny and happened 5 years ago. It was a good one :)
8/ Steph and I drove to Brisbane for dinner and I left my camera behind so I took some iPhone shots because I got a little bit excited about a city that I don't know very well at all. I'm so excited that Steph will be working in this city!
9/ Me and all my friends on Southbank Brisbane hahahaha (I don't know these people)
10/ I am very little in this photo but I'm there in front of the Peanut Silos in Kingaroy. I feel like I need to explain this after the last post. Kingaroy is the Peanut capital of Australia, so that explains all the peanut museum shots!
11/ I made friends with Violet, Steph's Grandma's cat while sitting in the reception spot, desperately checking instagram because being a millennial is hard work. She's a bit skittery but I she warmed to me :)
12/ We found this Giant Shrimp in a Bunning's carpark while looking for Maccas in Ballina, because the GPS kept taking us to random residential addresses and saying "arriving at McDonalds, on the left." It was amazing.
13/ Selfie at the Big Banana in Coffs Harbour. Australia's obsession with big novelty structures of everyday foodstuff is just because we don't have anything actually interesting. :)
14/ Polaroids of our day in Sydney while we were chilling out at my Dad's cousins. I came to really love Sydney, it was definitely a favourite of the trip. I want to go back and live there one day!
15/ Bashford and I in front of Luna Park!
16/ Glenn before going out for his birthday. He's just chilling while I freak out about not being ready in time. I feel like that sums up our relationship.
17/ Being cute and stuff at La La Land. 
18/ Sinead and Ben at Glenn's birthday, I don't really remember taking this but wooo party!

Love Meg x