Monday, 21 April 2014

Give me a minute...

Hey guys,

I have to say I was really humbled by all your kind words on my post 'commitment.' I felt quite exposed writing it and you all made me feel so comfortable sharing something a bit different. 
I'm in a bit of a way at the moment, my room is a mess, my diary is full of things to do and I want to finish an essay and get started on another one before I leave for Queensland.  

So I ask that you let me disappear for 7 days to write this essay, have a existential crisis over where to put the fullstops in my references and sit around in my room for about 5 hours before I clean it properly. I'll miss you all, and hopefully when I'm back I will be bursting at the seams with inspiration. I can't wait to see what you all post this week when I get back :)

I'll leave you with a few things that I appreciate having in my life this week. 
1. Printers - I am one of those people who can't read stuff of a computer screen, I have to print my readings and high light them and make notes and go crazy. So today when I was printing off some materials, I was watching the printer and I couldn't help but be amazed that it just puts these patterns on the blank piece of paper so quickly and efficiently and voila. 
2. ReferenceME App- So I have recently discovered this app in a big way. 
3. El Ten Eleven- This band is entirely instrumental and perfect for study. I just have them going on spottify in the background.

See you in 7 days x

Friday, 18 April 2014

Commitment.

'You can't have me in your life if you aren't going to love me, I'm too good for you,' I think to myself half heartedly.

How dare silly little teenage boys who don't know how to treat a woman think they have the right to enjoy the best part of me without loving the worst?
Maybe I don't blame them, I have friends for that, I have so many people who love me despite my flaws. 
I'm lucky. I am too lucky. 
Maybe I already have more love than I deserve. 
Maybe they have every right not to care as much as I want them to.
That can't be true though, I need something more one day.
Maybe I don't know what I need. 
Have some fun, stop feeling so much.

No, I was born to feel. I need to be more assertive than this. Show them you aren't interested. 
You aren't. Are you? You can't let anyone know you care, or that you feel a thing. 
Better yet, stop feeling, don't be so naive. 

But then again, 
He loved me and I pushed him away, I didn't love him back. 
Why didn't I love him back? He would have killed for me. What is wrong me with me? 
I say I want something but then when it wants me, I shy away.

'You aren't worth my time,' I think to myself stubbornly. 
I am so much better than this, this is cheap, easy, emotionally void. 
So why do I keep giving this the time of day and free reign in my brain?
The expiration date is sooner than what it's worth.

Everything about me is built on a solid foundation. 
"I have strong values," I think to myself.
Maybe I'm too proud. 

Thursday, 17 April 2014

Style The Natives

Have you read the blog 'Style the Natives'? If not, you aren't doing it right.

Charly Cox is the amazing English Blogger behind Style the Natives. My favourite posts of hers are ones where she so elegantly articulates everything I want to say about being a woman in this day and age, men, the internet, sex, mental health, fashion, people, and just everything. And she has style to boot.

A couple of weeks ago I ordered one of her hand made blog badges and I couldn't be happier that it arrived today. Go check her out! :)

Have a good long weekend and Easter lovelies x

Wednesday, 16 April 2014

Escape - Life in Photos

The best adventures are the ones you never planned on the days you wish would never end. 
The three photos below were taken by my lovely friend Steph who is finishing up her Architecture degree at the end of this year. She is rather creative and talented in my opinion, her instagram is @stephluife :)

Monday, 14 April 2014

A better kind of Monday!

Three things that made my Monday.
So last week I provided you with a drab list of everything that went wrong with my Monday and today I wanted to even things out a bit.

1. Reading Week- 
This week I have off from Uni as well as next week. They give us a reading week in top of our easter break, basically in the subjects that have a lot of reading content and not as much to cover in Tutorials. So I have a bit of freedom and I've been really preparing to write the two really big essays that I have. So for two of my Units, there is only one essay, (as apposed to two that are worth around 30%) and they are worth 70% and 50%. So they require a bit more effort haha. But I feel really happy to be away to do them, to lock myself up this week and know off a few thousand words.

2. Inspiration-
Today, I think because I felt so relaxed and capable for the first time in a few busy weeks, I had a huge rush of inspiration. A little bit of feeling free goes a long way. And all it took was hearing a snippet of a song and everything went from there. I have so many exciting ideas that I really want to develop. I honestly think there is no better feeling than inspiration. So I blasted that song loudly and drew and wrote and dreamt and lay in the sunshine streaming into my room. It was an amazing afternoon.

3. Plans-
Tonight, I needed to get myself organised and put things in my diary as I had this horrible feeling that I was planning things at the same time as each other and forgetting about it. And I remembered that I needed to call my friend Steph because we had talked about her coming home over easter and needing to catch up a few weeks ago but didn't organise anything concrete as we are both really busy. After looking in my diary I realised Easter is actually this weekend. Then just as I went to ring Steph, there was a message on my phone from her saying she had just got credit and is coming home tomorrow. So I rang her and we talked and organised and now I am picking her up from the airport tomorrow and we are going to hang out :D
Because Steph is a creative person as well and she had known me for so long and so well, talking to her about the things that really matter is always so awesome. I am just so excited to get to spend time with her.

And lately I have been trying to figure out what to do for my birthday. I'm turning 20 on the 7th of May and it seems like people are already planning their parties for June so I have been a bit worried about what I was going to do, where I was going to do it, who with and how I was going to fit it in to everyone else's equally as hectic lives. Mum and I discussed Dinners, family BBQs, house parties, nights out. And nothing just felt right. So tonight when I was on the phone I talked to Steph about it, and decided that it would be a cool idea for me to go and spend 5 days with her when she goes back to Uni on the Gold Coast.  So a little Queensland getaway. I talked to Mum and Dad about it and they said they thought it was a good idea too! I am so happy! Good things should be easy like this! And everything matches up so perfectly.

So here's to the people who loved you when you had terrible fringes and took silly photos like the one above with you. But most of all, the ones that make Mondays great.

Sunday, 13 April 2014

When I'm not dreaming...

The things I think about and see when I'm not quite asleep are telling. 

I'm often driving.
I had hardly any petrol even though that night (in real life) I had just filled up.
I was sad because now I had to buy a whole new tank of petrol I can't afford by myself.
It wasn't until that morning when I went to my car and got in, that I checked the fuel gage.
I felt an odd relief that in fact my petrol tank was full. As I had left it.

Other half dreams that wake me up often have all of us,
we are young again.

Only when I fall in and out of sleep.